On Tuesday we observed our thought patterns. Yesterday, we evaluated these patterns and looked at ways to break them – the negative & not helpful ones, at least. Today, we will train our thoughts to greater positivity. Greater positivity, positively influences our level of confidence (pun intended).
I am a Gallup-Certified Strengths Coach and as such, I am biased towards positive Psychology. Donald O. Clifton was recognized with a presidential commendation from the American Psychological Association as “the father of strengths-based psychology and the grandfather of positive psychology”. Clifton also developed the psychological assessment we know now as CliftonStrengths. I use this assessment tool for coaching.
Also, quite enthralled by Martin Seligman‘s Learned Optimism. Which proposes that positivity can be learned. Some of the exercises below are borrowed from his concepts.
Day 25 Challenge: Train Your Thoughts To Positivity
Catch yourself each time you feel low today. It could be low in energy, low positivity or low confidence. Then, ask yourself why this is happening to you. Check the following areas.
Basis: Facts or Feelings?
This is very important and sounds very simple. Yet, many conflicts in any relationship type, including inner turmoil, happen because of assumptions that are grounded on feelings. Not facts. For example, one employee who thinks that no one in her team likes her. She came to me crying. She had done it several times. Each time, when I asked her what made her think so, her responses were always inferred and not based on any fact.
Always check-in on your emotions, on your heart, and the basis of what you say.
Permanence: Long term or short term?
Next, we go to perceptions on the consequences and whether or not they last. Let’s take the example earlier. Her teammates, according to her, does not like her, never did and never will. Isn’t that such a sorry state? She’s married. In another instance, she came, again, crying, because she and her husband had a disagreement on whether they will go to this vacation spot or that vacation spot. Towards the end of her sharing, she said, she was afraid that she altogether lost the love of her husband and that this may lead to their separation. It is one fragment of her life and of their relationship that seemed to balloon out of proportion because of her perception on its permanence.
Always good to put things and situations into perspective along with the acknowledgement that most moments in our life are fleeting and may (will) change. My dormmates in college and I always say, this too, shall pass. It is a handy reminder.
Self-Awareness: Positive or Negative?
And most importantly, self-awareness. How realistic is your self-awareness? Still following the example above. Her teammates do not, never did and will never like her. Again, based on her world view, they do not care for her because she lacks humor, fat and not beautiful (she calls herself, pangit). In fact, she’s a funny person, shapely and pretty (does not comb her hair too often, but the features of her face are pretty). Her teammates think she does not like them because she never went out with them. So, see how this negative self-awareness has impacted her life?!
This is why we started with self-awareness mindset exercise on day 1. This is how important it is. Check on your self-awareness every now and then and make sure you see yourself in positive light. Because your view of yourself impacts all areas of your life. This is among the biggest determinants of confidence.
Train your thoughts to positivity and lead a more confident life!
I’m so excited! Only 5 days to go and we will graduate from the 30-Day Confidence Challenge!
How much have you changed since we all started?